Distracted

In four weeks, I will be preparing for Jay's visit. It's really hard to believe that there are only four weeks left until I can see him again. I am very excited, but I can't seem to get my spirits up. I seem to have developed crippling sadness, and I don't know how to overcome it. My motivation to do things is completely gone. My memory doesn't work for anything except things that involve Jay. Jay is the only person to take notice of this change in my personality, and as much as he tries to help, I still don't know what to do. I keep trying to make friends. but I always end up looking like an idiot who can't speak. I try to learn my lecture materials, and get frustrated from always being confused. I haven't looked at a book in weeks because I don't want to read. I love reading, and it bothers me that I can't even enjoy that anymore. I haven't taken any pictures in almost a month. Taking pictures used to make me happy too. It's always gray, wet, and cold here. That doesn't make me want to go outside. If my roommates were here when I am, I could hang out with them. I still exercise everyday, but that's because I can do the routine without thinking. I eat like a bird because I never seem to be hungry anymore. I sleep way too many hours, or not enough. I either get 3 hours a night or 15. There is no happy medium on sleep. All my clothes are falling off, but I don't ever have the motivation to go buy clothes that fit. My English skills are going downhill, and my German skills aren't improving. I was having a grand time thinking up ideas for weddings, but I was severely annoying Jay with that, so I stopped. I've been trying to plan activities for us to do while Jay is here for Christmas, but keep getting distracted. My attention span is totally gone. I can't even take a shower without spacing out. I should be studying for my grammar test tomorrow, but I can't focus, as usual.