Thanksgiving Weekend

I'm so grateful that those horribly sad days have passed. They may come back, but for now I'm feeling better. I went to one of the Christmas Markets with my friends on Wednesday. It was a bit cold, but still very nice to see.    I bought a really nice scarf to keep me warm in the winter here. There is snow all over everything now. I didn't get any turkey on Thanksgiving, but I had a chicken basil pasta that was pretty awesome. I also got out a slice of the pie I made last month to enjoy. It was delicious. Sadly I can't eat any more pie at this point. The microwave is broken, and all the leftovers are frozen solid.

My orchids are doing quite well. They had flowers when I bought them and just keep getting more and more. They are a pretty veined white and purple. My roses don't have any flowers right now, but I'm trying not to kill them. I gave the roses some coffee grounds last week hoping that I could coax them into blooming again. I don't really know if it has had any effect yet.

I'm going shopping with Olga on Monday. I desperately need clothes that fit. We are going ice skating on Friday, and it seems rather hazardous to go skating in pants that are far too big for me. The goal for the trip is to get two or three pairs of pants and two sweaters. Hopefully that won't exceed my budget.

I was annoyed this week when I had to buy a new calculator. I can't use my trusty TI-84 on my exams here because it is programmable. :( I love that thing. It's wicked awesome. I ended up getting a TI-30X IIS. It does some stats calculations and all the trig functions that I need. On the same shopping trip I got a pencil bag that looks like a duck, complete with a mouth that opens. I got tired of dropping my pens during lecture, so I got a little bag to keep them in. I am very glad that I have my Kindle. It is the greatest gadget I have purchased in many years. I put the lecture slides on it and take some notes with it. I like being able to take it to class with me when we do problems. Having the problem statement in my hand is amazingly awesome.

I started the Lego calendar on Friday. I am not actually using it as an Advent calendar. I'm using it as a Jay calendar. There are 22 days until he gets here. I'm excited. Excitement is amazing, but it doesn't do a very good job of keeping me awake past midnight.

<3 Jess

Distracted

In four weeks, I will be preparing for Jay's visit. It's really hard to believe that there are only four weeks left until I can see him again. I am very excited, but I can't seem to get my spirits up. I seem to have developed crippling sadness, and I don't know how to overcome it. My motivation to do things is completely gone. My memory doesn't work for anything except things that involve Jay. Jay is the only person to take notice of this change in my personality, and as much as he tries to help, I still don't know what to do. I keep trying to make friends. but I always end up looking like an idiot who can't speak. I try to learn my lecture materials, and get frustrated from always being confused. I haven't looked at a book in weeks because I don't want to read. I love reading, and it bothers me that I can't even enjoy that anymore. I haven't taken any pictures in almost a month. Taking pictures used to make me happy too. It's always gray, wet, and cold here. That doesn't make me want to go outside. If my roommates were here when I am, I could hang out with them. I still exercise everyday, but that's because I can do the routine without thinking. I eat like a bird because I never seem to be hungry anymore. I sleep way too many hours, or not enough. I either get 3 hours a night or 15. There is no happy medium on sleep. All my clothes are falling off, but I don't ever have the motivation to go buy clothes that fit. My English skills are going downhill, and my German skills aren't improving. I was having a grand time thinking up ideas for weddings, but I was severely annoying Jay with that, so I stopped. I've been trying to plan activities for us to do while Jay is here for Christmas, but keep getting distracted. My attention span is totally gone. I can't even take a shower without spacing out. I should be studying for my grammar test tomorrow, but I can't focus, as usual.

Cookies!!!!!!

I have never been so happy to eat store bought chocolate chip cookies until today. They were like home in a convenient little package. I probably could have made cookies, but I saw that package in the store and seized it like an escaping animal. I ate 3 whole cookies when I got back from the store. Feeling guilty, I then exercised. Those cookies made me feel really good. :)
-Jess

Hot Chocolate

To my disappointment, I found a melted chocolate bar this morning. It was much harder to portion and eat that way. The thought of chocolate reminded me that in the hectic schedule of life last Christmas, I left my hot chocolate mug at Jay's house. I hope it has been getting some good use. I have some special drink chocolate so that we can again share hot chocolate on Christmas. I am so excited for Jay's visit.

Rain and Stew

Today was a cold, wet, horribly yucky affair. I got up around 5am to talk to Jay, like I try to do every day. We got to talk for about 15 minutes before I gave up and went back to bed because I felt terrible. I got up around 8 and had a bowl of müsli with milk and almonds. I also had some turkey. I went to my plastics workshops too. The first one was all about experiments, and it was really fun. The second one was more of a lecture, and I was bored. I had to leave before the second workshop was over because the acetone he used in an experiment made me a bit faint. I later went to the store to purchase water and mouthwash. After returning, I munched on some Jelly Bellies while I made stew. The stew turned out awesome. I will definitely have to make this one again:  beef, broccoli, carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic, Italian spices, onion soup mix and olive oil. Sometimes the simplest recipes turn out the be the most delicious. I need to do my Thermo. homework before tomorrow, but I'm procrastinating majorly. For now, I'm going to savor my stew. After I've finished eating, I suppose I should start working on my homework. Jay isn't online right now so I have fewer excuses for being distracted..

<3 Jess

sigh....

I've decided that I hate being alone. I'm always alone now, and frankly it's my fault. If I had not come to Germany then I would be surrounded by my friends and family. I guess in the end this will make me stronger, but right now it's making me sad.I miss my friends, and I miss Jay. I'm glad when I do get to talk to him, but it's very hard being here. I know I won't make another choice like this ever again. I suppose I should get back to the homework that I don't understand, not because it's hard, but because I don't understand the question. So frustrating!

I will be so excited to see Jay for Christmas. That will certainly be an amazing adventure for us. In the meantime I must just soldier on and try not to cry too much.

Promises

Well it's been a while since I posted something on here. Honestly, I'm procrastinating for an essay I don't want to write, but anyways back to the post.

My weekend in Holland with Jay was more than memorable. I shall be a crotchety old lady and still remember that trip. The feeling of relief, joy, and love that I felt in the train station will be with me forever. I was so grateful that Jay and I were in the same country again. Our first hug was so powerfully passionate.I could tell he had missed me just as much as I had missed him. The cuddling in the taxi was amazing. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to be wrapped in those strong arms. We spent the rest of the weekend together. We hardly ever left the sight of each other. Jay was sweeter than usual, but I didn't mind. I think he was trying to make up for making me sad earlier in my stay here. Either way, he proved without a doubt that he loves me a lot more than he did when I left and that he is never ever going to leave. I shall never ever forget all the love that filled that weekend.

I have been sleeping in the superman shirt again while cuddling with JayBear. I asked Jay to wear it while we were together so I could have it for sleeping when I got back here.

My exercise regimen has been doing wonders. I have no idea how much I weigh now, but the numbers don't really matter. I know that all the clothes I brought with me are considerably too big, and I have some ridiculous muscle tone all over my body. I know that I'm the thinnest that I've ever been, and I'm still getting smaller and fitter. My arms and legs are developing really nice shapes. Jay is really appreciative of my new found core. Let's just say he is impressed with what I can do with it.

I have managed to reverse the accidental damage I did to my hair with cheap products. It has returned to a nice healthy texture and is growing again. I'm trying to be extra gentle with it so I don't have to get as many haircuts this year. Split ends are the enemy. They slow growth and make me have to get haircuts. My hair is twice as long as it was last year, and I have no plans of ever cutting it short again. I want it to return to the lovely length that I carried most of childhood. I miss having hair that goes down to my bum. It's very sexy and brings many styling options for formal, fancy hairstyles, even though it is a mild pain to take care of hair that long. I don't really mind. I loved having hair that long.

I am going to continue my procrastination for the day by doing a bit of grocery shopping.

<3 Jess